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+ for herpes, happy anniversary!

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So 3 days before my 3 year wedding anniversary I began to experience painful bumps in my vaginal area. I assumed it was an outbreak of HPV (which my husband and I both have). Finally the pain became so bad I went to the ER and was given a culture swab and some viccodin. The next day I went to my regular doctor to be checked again and was told that I have herpes. Happy Anniversary to me!
I feel very lost, i refuse to tell anyone about this. I feel shameful and know that nobody will understand. none of my friends or family.
My husband failed to inform me the day we had sex that he had a bump on his genitals, he assumed it was an ingrown hair. Now his assumption has left me with herpes for the rest of my life.
Ive gone through did he cheat on me phase? Weve discussed this and he says that one time in 2007 he had a bump that he thought was from HPV, his friend gave him some medicine (turned out to be valtrex) and it went away. So my assumption is that hes had this since we've been together (5years) and never knew. I just cant understand how he never put 2 and 2 together. Part of me feels like, yea that makes sense and I know its possible for the virus to lay dormant for a really long time. A very large part of me believes that he hasn't cheated on me but at the same time I feel really stupid. I dont want to be that stupid wife that believes a cheating husband.
I just dont know what to do or think. Im hoping that after my initial outbreak that this will go dormant and not somthing that controls my life. I feel so dirty, and I know I shouldnt because it was my husband and not some random person
I cant decide if i should let this destroy my marriage. Its possible hes had it for a while and never knew, and plus whose going to want me now with this.
Its all so painful, physically and emotionally and am hoping to find someone to talk too so I dont feel so alone.
Thanks for the ear....


Dear Lostinchi,

I had a very similar experience with you in past. My exboyfriend never told me he had herpes until I found a medication in his bag. This was well over a year of being together. I was heart brokend and I could never trust him since then.
I thought the same thing you did, that no one will want to be with me since I have herpes. I felt dirty. But after I broke up with my boyfriend, I dated about three men after that. I was always upfront and honest with them before we got sexually involved. They appreciated the fact that I was honest with them and the fact that I have herpes didn't change the way they looked at me or how much they liked me. Actually, all three of them respected me more for being honest with them.
So please don't feel so bad that you contracted herpes. Many nurses and doctors I talked to also told me that herpes are more common than people think. A lot of people have it.
Stay strong.


I've just been diagnosed myself with herpes & it's doing my head in too. I've having a hard time physically, mentally & emotionally. If you need someone to talk to I'm here cos I sure as hell could do with someone to talk to myself. I also feel very alone. And who the hell do you trust telling them something like this???


I understand where you are coming from completely! I recently found out that I have genital herpes, after having 2 children (2 diff. dads) and only having been with 2 different men in the last 5 years - it was a huge shock to me. I was promiscuous to say the least in my younger years, so I feel like this is all my fault. I feel dirty and ashamed. My partner was livid when he found out and he automatically thought it was my fault as well. He decided not to get tested, he said if I was positive and he wasn't he would have left me that day. But he loves me too much, so he'd rather not know where it came from and just deal with it together. Though we've made the decision to deal with it together, we don't ever talk about it. No one knows that I'm positive for herpes, and it's very hard to live with emotionally. Though I don't want to find any one else, I feel like I'm 'damaged goods' and how could any one love me? And now, I'm having my 2nd outbreak now and it causes much tension in our relationship. We don't talk about it but we're obviously not having sex. It feels good just to talk about this, so I hope someone is out there reading! I appreciate your stories. It really makes me feel like I'm not alone. I don't know where I got this... but since I'm stuck with it for life I should try to deal with it in a positive way. It's just hard.