The Potential Abuser
It's easy to remain in denial about being the victim of abuse. After all, no one wants to believe that their beloved partner is an abuser who could hurt them. Because of this, it's usually the victim's friends or family who realize what's up before the victim becomes aware of the abuse.
Have your friends or family said something to you about your partner? Do they think something's wrong with your relationship? Don't dismiss these thoughts without taking stock of your relationship; as many as 30% of all relationships involve abusive behavior. If you agree to even some of the questions or statements below, it's time to leave or get help. Remember that while most abuse begins on an emotional level, it often escalates to physical abuse. An abusive relationship endangers your life.
* Does he discourage you from talking to friends or family?
*Does he want to go with you every place you go?
*Do you feel compelled to tell him or ask permission to take part in activities or to be with certain people? Do you have to explain why you want to do these things or be with these people?
*Does he seem threatened or worried by your successes?
*Does he often express disapproval or anger toward authority figures?
*Does he consider himself the head of your combined household?
*Does he make fun of you, or try to diminish your talents and achievements?
*When bad things happen, is this somehow always your fault?
*Does he usually disagree with your opinions?
*Does he tend to lay guilt trips on you?
*Does he call you by nicknames that make you look foolish or stupid?
*Does he have temper tantrums, throw objects, or punch walls and the like?
*Have you ever witnessed your partner in a violent altercation with anyone?
*Does alcohol consumption make him violent?
*Does your partner appear to be jealous of your achievements and of the people who are important to you? Does he get upset when you spend time with people other than him?
*Does he delight in playing with your head (mind games)?
*Does he believe that all the talk about domestic violence is a crock?
*Does he view sex as a right even when you're not in the mood?
*Was he abused as a child? Was his a dysfunctional home?
Now it's time to take a look at you. There is a classic victim persona. See how many of these statements apply to you.
*Are you possessed of low self-esteem?
*Are you traditional in your thoughts about the man being the head of the household?
*Are arguments usually your fault?
*Do you think the issue of domestic violence is a lot of baloney?
*Do you think it's your fault when your partner is angry or feels jealousy?
*Do you let him make the decisions for you even when you might have chosen differently for yourself, because you know in your heart he loves you?
*When he is jealous, do you see this as proof of his love for you?