The Lies They Tell You

Truth in the hands of the abusive partner turns into the worst kind of lie. That's because abusers manipulate the truth in order to hurt their victims. The victim believes the skewed version of how things really are because the words have the barest basis of truth behind them. With each cutting phrase, the victim of abuse loses more and more self-esteem. It's a kind of death of self. Here are some examples of typical statements made by abusers:

*You're taking this the wrong way

*If you'd behave better, I wouldn't have to do this/hit you.

*This relationship would be so much better if only you'd work harder toward making things right.

*You made it impossible for me to tell the truth.

*I had to lie to you to protect you from the truth. 

*If you tell anyone about this, I will leave and you will be hungry and homeless.

Don't Tell

*If you tell anyone, the police will come and I could go to jail.

*We both know you're enjoying this; what possible benefit will you get from me for resisting?

*You're too tense; but I know how to make you relax.

*Your friends are evil, they'll burn in Hell.

*At least you're good at sex. A person's got to be good at something.

*In this house you own nothing, you are nothing. Everything in this house belongs to me, including you.

*You think because you're not in the mood for sex I should be without warmth and affection?

*In this house I'm in charge. You will do whatever I want you to do.

*If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill them/you.

Not Grateful

*Here I spent all this money on you, and you're not even grateful. You don't even deserve these things but I bought them for you. You should be grateful.

*You are ruining our lives.

*I'm going to die because of the stress and aggravation you cause me.

*When I leave you, you're going to realize you need me like a junkie needs his drugs. You need me but you won't understand that until I'm out of here.

*If you leave me, I'll kill myself. 

*You don't know yourself like I know you.

*I am the one with the experience and knowledge. I know better about these things than you or anyone else.

No One

*I have no one else but you.

*You're the only one who really understands/loves me.

*You need to stop being so sensitive. I'm sick of your oversensitivity.

*I know you don't mean it when you say you're sorry. If you were really sorry, you never would have said that in the first place.

*You're so stupid. You're no good to anyone.

Sheer Mercy

*I'm with you out of sheer mercy.

*You used to be good-looking.

*It's inappropriate for you to feel/think that way.

*If you tell, I'll just deny what you say. I'll tell them I never did that and that you made the whole thing up.

*I've never met such a selfish person.

You're Lazy

*You never take responsibility for your actions. You're a narcissist. You're lazy.

*It's just the way I am.

*Why are you still angry? I gave up everything for you. What else do I have to do to prove my love?

*I wouldn't do this if I didn't love you so much.

*For someone who claims to be so smart, you sure do a lot of stupid things.

*You have selective memory.

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