Should I End My Relationship?
All relationships have their ups and downs, but how do you judge when it's time to end things? No one can make that decision for you but it can help to ask yourself some penetrating questions. The answers may help you clarify the issues in your mind so you will feel more confident about making that final judgment.
1) How much do I really want to end this relationship on a scale of one to ten? Most people have mixed feelings about ending a relationship. Some people will stick with a bad relationship, preferring to keep the status quo to being on the market once again. Also, you may not be very sure your relationship is a goner. What if you break up and realize you made a mistake? You want to be able to answer this question with at least an eight or a nine before you go ahead and end the relationship.
2) Will my life be better without this relationship? Will I feel calmer and be more productive, or will I feel lonely and sad? If you think there would be an overall improvement in your life, that's a sign it's time to end things.
3) Can the relationship be fixed? What are the proactive steps I might take to save the relationship? Are there self-help books that might help? But if your partner is abusive, forget it—you can't fix that. Better to say goodbye than to endanger your self esteem and your health.
4) Deep down do I hope that calling an end to the relationship will make my partner fight hard to make things work? Am I really just thinking about giving my partner a wake up call? If this is the case, don't break up—if he doesn't fight for you, you'll be devastated and you may not be able to patch things up.
5) What will I feel after the break up? Will I feel regret or relief? Can I picture myself in a relationship with a new partner? Close your eyes and try to imagine life without your partner.
6) Is breaking up the easy way out? Sometimes people prefer breaking up to apologizing for wrongdoing. But that's just pride getting in the way of making things right. Maybe your partner is the one who, "done you wrong," but you know that being the one to take the blame could help the two of you get past this relationship hump. Would it really be so bad to apologize and move on? You might be sorry if you bow out of the relationship because of a blow to your ego.
7) Is the desire to end the relationship over serious issues or minor character flaws? It may not be that important in the greater scheme of things that he has to crack every knuckle of every finger on both hands before he kisses you goodnight. Everyone has flaws—part of having a healthy relationship is to accept that neither of you are perfect; otherwise, you'll never achieve the perfect relationship with anyone else, either.