From A Distance

What Do You Mean, You're Leaving Town?

You've been gob-smacked and now you're in love. It's the real thing - you know it and the love of your life knows it too. Just one problem. He's about to move 300 miles away to take a position that offers him great opportunities and a lot more money. You have a choice to make. Do you leave your wonderful job, family, and friends and follow him into the great unknown, or do you stay put? Well, that depends on a few things, doesn't it?

First, is this move a long-term thing or will he be coming back within a few months or a year? Is it something that is flexible? Making a big move may be more than you are ready for-but you do not want him so far away, either. It's tough. You may be contemplating the reality of a long-distance relationship. The truth is that there is nothing easy about a relationship between the miles. However, if you and he are committed and determined, you can make it work.

Define Your Commitment And Your Relationship Needs

It is important for you both to define your relationship. Is this serious enough to end in marriage? Is it more of a casual relationship that you hope lasts a while? If it is serious, one of you is going to have to make a move eventually. However, you can reduce the stress of not being in close physical proximity by laying down a few rules to help you cope. Set times for phone contact or Skype.

When Was The Last Time You Wrote A Letter - By Hand?

Both of you can grow in your relationship, even though you are far away from one another. Long hand-written or email letters can offer an opportunity to express thoughts and ideas that are deep inside. Sometimes writing is easier than talking and these can give a window into your inner thoughts. Determine how frequently you will be talking with each other on the phone, and remember if the distance is great, there are time zones to consider. Maybe he didn't call because it was three in the morning at your house when it was six in the evening for him. He wasn't run over by a bus-he's fine-just being considerate.

Ah, The Wonders Of Technology

Skype and other types of video telephones are an amazing way to stay in touch when you are a long way away from one another. Being able to see his face and take a virtual tour of his new apartment can help to keep you connected and in touch with the day-to-day realities of life. Women tend to need more communication than men do. They are just made that way. Again, define the parameters and limits and try to find a middle ground that is workable for both of you. Remember, staying in touch is fun, but it can be costly as well. 

As much as possible, share the costs to avoid one or the other shouldering the burden and ending up resentful. Plan a visit if it is appropriate. A little trip to see the one you love is always wonderful. The ultimate goal is to make your relationship as normal as possible, even though it's from a distance.

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