Responsible Sexual Choices and You

Sex and Marriage

Marriage is the ideal environment for a sexual relationship. Usually there are very clear expectations for the relationship, involving mutual fidelity, a promise to care for one another through hard times, and an openness to the possibility of children. Of course, even the "best" marriages can and do fail, but sex within a marriage is the safest and sanest choice for a person looking for true intimacy with another. When both persons honor the marriage vows, the relationship becomes better on all fronts.

Although a faithful marriage to an uninfected person precludes the possibility of a sexually transmitted disease, pregnancy may be a possibility for up to thirty years. Birth control can and does fail. Unless at least one person is infertile, a surprise pregnancy can happen at any time. The most common response to this biological fact is the use of contraceptives. Contraceptives can provide reasonably good protection from an unexpected pregnancy, but they are not foolproof. Stress can occur when an unplanned pregnancy arises at a difficult time. Since married couples generally do not consider adoption a viable option, they will either choose parenting or resort to an abortion. Abortion within a marriage is an unfortunate event which can negatively affect the whole family.

A few couples choose not to contracept, trusting God for however many children come along. Very large families can result, but some of these couples have surprisingly few children. Benefits of this type of sexual relationships is that the couples don't have the worry of an unplanned pregnancy.

Infidelity in Marriage

Marital unfaithfulness is the ultimate act of selfishness. When one partner is unfaithful, this undermines one of the basic foundations of the marriage. Infidelity is always very painful for everyone, especially the faithful partner. It puts both partners at risk for sexually transmitted disease, one partner by choice and the other unknowingly. Usually there's a great deal of secrecy involved. Infidelity can result in pregnancy involving an outside party. The lies are compounded by a secret abortion, questionable paternity, or a child by another partner. This kind of trouble is never worth the few fleeting moments of enjoyment from the affair.

If you are being unfaithful to your partner, why are you even married? The sooner the problem is brought to the light the better. Don't use excuses for staying with an unfaithful partner like "the kids," "the extra income" or "what will everyone think?" The longer this charade continues the more you degrade yourself and your whole family. Demand that the problem be resolved immediately.

With good counseling and lots of effort on the part of both parties, many marriages can survive the problem of infidelity. Often the problem is caused because one or both persons are afraid that they cannot get their relational needs met in the marriage. If you are in a troubled marriage, get marital counseling now to avoid the problems caused by infidelity. If the other partner won't participate, go to counseling alone.

Other Problems

There are many other forms of reckless sexuality which I will not expound upon here. These include:

• Prostitution
• Anonymous Sexual Encounters
• "One-Night Stands" or Nymphomania
• Sexual Addiction
• Orgies or Group Sex
• Polygamy
• Pedophillia
• Deviant Sexual Practices (Bestiality, Necrophilia, etc.)

If you are engaging in any of these practices, you have issues which probably cannot be resolved simply by reading this article. I encourage you to get professional help immediately, before you hurt yourself or someone else.

The Bottom Line

Although relationships can be complex, the main issues are pretty simple. Any time you choose a sexual relationship outside of marriage you short-change yourself and set the stage for disaster. Maybe you are desperate for love and feel like you have to take whatever you can get. Low standards will only increase your feelings of worthlessness and almost guarantee that you will end up in a bad situation. Spend some time learning to value yourself before being intimate with someone else. You will be glad you did. And if you want some advice about some of the 'men' out there, consult our guide entitled 12 Types Of Men To Avoid!

Links with Related Information

• The following links are recommended or at this site:
  • Abstinence as Birth Control: Everyone's first method of birth control
  • Sex and Teens: at Teen Care Center
  • Sex and Single Women: at Westside PRC
  • What God Showed Me About Sex: A personal story
  • Sexual Addiction Recovery Resources
  
  
• The following links are provided as an informational resource or counterpoint and are not necessarily endorsed by the author:
  • The Problem with Adult Premarital Sex: US News & World Reports
  • Subversive Virginity: Sarah E. Hinlicky discusses her own virginity and how it fits into feminism and her personal sense of self-worth
  • All About Cohabiting Before Marriage
  • Abstinence Education Wedding and Family Planner
  • Sex Before Marriage and the Bible
  • Promise Keepers

Visit Contraception Information Resource to read more about choosing to save sex for marriage.

© M. Williams for Epigee Reproductive Health, 2000-5.