love
3 Replies
stacy

I have been dating this guy from my school. I have not been in a relationship in more that three years. I have dated before, but never felt what i feel with him before. I'm just 21. I really like him we have a very strong chemistry and I can be a little wild with him.. Have been talking and knowing each other for the past two months, but just a week ago became really close. We have made out quite a bit. Just the other day became really close to having sex. Though I'm a virgin, but feel so close to him and never felt that before with no one. The only thing that worries me is that my mother is a strong believer of waiting till your married, but I think differently. When you love each other and fell very conformable with each other. I want to talk to my mother, but feel that she will be disappointed on me. For feeling this way. Should I talk to her about it and then go to a doctor to get some type of birth control. Since I don't want to get pregnant any time soon.

 

rikithemonk

Waiting for marriage before sex is simply a rule of etiquette. We teach children rules like these because we want the world to be a certain way. Napkin on your lap, hold the door for women. Don't fart loudly in mixed company. They are nice rules, and the world is nicer when they are followed. The danger comes in when people begin thinking that these rules are unbendable laws set in stone.

The reason this is bad is because These rules assume the real world is a nice place. Like the fantasy world you find in sitcoms where everything is orderly and nothing really bad happens to anyone. The real world is a fantastically chaotic place and real people need the ability to be flexible to survive in it.

Use your judgement. If you want to rip the boys cloths off, shove him down on the bed and pounce on him, then do so and have fun. If you decide that you may just want to wait a bit, then do that instead. Whatever you do, do it because you think its the right thing to do and its the right time to do it.

As for the pill, I think you should get it before talking to your mom. People are stupid when it comes to sex. Completely rational people can become unreasoning nit whits over the concept of two people rubbing their crotches together. Which is all sex really is when you get right down to it. Its an irrationality due to religion, etiquette, and believing the fantasy of how the world should be rather than how the world actually is.

To be honest with you, you should already be on some sort of birth control. Just because your not sexually active doesn't mean that sex cant happen to you. Remember the Nit Whit thing from earlier. Situations can get away from you and things can get out of hand. Sometimes a lot faster than you realize. Protect yourself first, minimizing the potential of unwanted interference by well meaning people. Then when your covered, share your thoughts and feelings. I actually like that you can talk openly with your mother about things like sex. Sounds like a good relationship, but never trust human nature. Never expect people to do the right thing. Always cover yourself first.

 

stacy

Thank you much for your advise! I actually agree with you and will take all the necessary measures to be safe. This world is not perfect and as individuals we have all right to do what we think is best for us. When it comes to my mother she will get a heart attack. Lol! But I rather be clear with her.

 

rikithemonk

I doubt she will have a heart attack. If your in a western culture country, your mom probably secretly thinks you have already had sex by now. She has to act disappointed by your decision because thats culturally expected of her, but I bet she will be shocked to find your still a virgin at 21. Of course if your in a different culture, this doesn't apply.

You have a good head in your shoulders. You have shown great sense and waited until you found the right time. Be safe, have fun.

 

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