advice wanted...
5 Replies

Okay, this is pretty long, and gets personal, but they are all important bits of information so its hard to leave them out. Just, don't judge me. LoL.

I'm 21 years old, been with the same guy for the past 3 1/2 years. He's 23 years old. May 31st we got into a fight over my birth control. I'm on depo (the shot) and have gained some weight and had mood problems, I can be 4 different people in 10 minutes, y, clingy, lovey and then upset. So, I told him I wanted to switch but wasn't sure what I was going to go to and if worse came to worse we'd have to use condoms for awhile. He said he would be ed if I switched. And I flipped out on him because he has no right to tell me what to do with my body, nor does he have the knowledge to tell me what kind to use. It's affecting my health and my relationship. I have a decreased sex drive, the moodiness and of course I feel unattracted due to my weight. I'm not fat by any means, but I'm not the way I used to be. And I want to look good for him.

Anyways, we had seen eachother all day monday and were great, then tuesday we got into that fight at the end of the day and then we didn't talk wednesday, thursday or friday, and friday night, he said he was leaving, that he couldn't take the fighting anymore and he's just sick of it. Well, I went to go see him hoping to change his mind, and he just said it was over, left me crying in the parking lot as he drove away. So I went home and was upset for a few days, and for the next week and a half, I texted him multiple times telling him that I love him and just to give us a chance to work things out and I miss him and stuff like that. And after that I left him alone. He told me that's what he wanted, for me to go away, he was rude as hell and acted like he hated me. Saying horrible things about not missing me and he wants nothing from me, nothing at all.

Another week and a half later, 3 weeks since he left, I get a text saying "Im " I told him I wasn't interested, to go find someone else and go away. Well, we ended up talking a little more over a few days, sent one another a few pictures and then we agreed to hook up. He said he wasn't sure if it'd be just sex, cuz it never is between us. He has left me before, and 3 weeks later he is contacting me, missing me, and we end up having sex and getting back together. So he knew what was going to happen! He knew! He told me.

Well, after we had sex he asked me if I had been with anyone else. I had been. After one particular fight we had, I was very upset and ended up having a one night stand. It meant nothing, was horrible, and I wasn't going to lie to him. He was very shocked, jealous and hurt. He sarcastically said "Well, that's what I wanted right? For you to move on." And I told him why I did it and was completely honest with him, which he said he appreciated.

The next day, I got a text saying he couldn't stop thinking about me being with that other guy and I again reinforced that it meant nothing to me. I had to work that night and told him that if he wasn't busy then he could meet me at my work when I was out so we could hang out and talk and stuff, he said he wasn't sure what to do. I said do what you want. About the time I got out of work, he was on his way to get pizza, I have a feeling that he was going to bring it to my work but I got out early and he never said he was coming, so I went home. And we were texting and he kept sliding hints in like "Well, I guess I'll just go home and eat alone" and by the time I got home I told him all he had to do was ask me to come over and I would have. I wanted to see him. He said "Oh, I wasn't sure"

The next night, he invited me over to his house. I decided to go, of course, and we got in his bed and watched a movie for awhile, kissed quite a bit and just cuddled together. He wasn't making a move on me and later told me he didn't plan on having sex, but the attraction between us is very strong so we ended up having sex. And after, I was getting ready to leave, getting my clothes together to put back on, and he pulled me back into bed and told me not to leave. So we fell asleep in one another's arms. I woke up later and told him I had to go, he didn't want me to, but I left. On the way home, I asked him what was going on between us. If it was "just sex" why pull me back into bed? Why have me stay? He said he wasn't sure and asked me. So I told him what I was feeling, I still have strong feelings for him, and I love being with him and doing what we do, and it feels right. And he said that he agreed but he doesn't want a relationship due to the fighting and stress that we had. He said he loves the kissing, cuddling, touching, hanging out, golfing together, watching movies, having sex, but didn't want to fight or be stressed out. Well, hello, neither do I!

We talk for another day and then he asked me over again. I went. Same thing happened, we watched TV, had sex, when I went to leave he pulled me back into bed and wouldn't let me go. He fell asleep and every time I shifted in bed, he'd pull me closer and would kiss my shoulder or neck, while he's sleeping. I left, and we talked for another few days. And then I told him I couldn't do this anymore. I still love him and want more from him and if he can't give me his all, then I want nothing from him. I couldn't handle it anymore. So I told him to leave me alone until he was prepared to fight for me cause that's what it was gonna take. He said okay. And 5 hours later, I get a text saying "I hope your not with some other guy." I was like no, I'm in bed. He said "I'm not sure if you want to but you can come over if you'd like" I was like why? He said to lay and talk. I told him I was tired and was worried about falling asleep driving. He was like "Dont say yes or no, I'll leave my doors open and I hope to wake up to you kissing me" So I told him again, I wasn't coming. He still said the doors would be open. I didn't go. The next morning I got a text saying "You proved me wrong, I thought youd show up, but you didn't. ttyl" I was like WTF? I told you I wasn't coming, I was tired. I really wanted to go though. I did.

So we talked a little throughout the day, and the next day I had to work, but I told him I wanted to see him and if he didn't show up at my work or invite me over, I was going to go hang out with someone else. He flipped out and said if your going to say like that then to leave him alone and go be with someone else. I honestly didn't mean it, I was just trying to give him more incentive to see me. I really wanted to see him. He stopped talking to me that night and the next day I tried talking to him and he completely flipped out on me and told me to leave him alone for good, he wants nothing to do with me, if I don't leave him alone he'll call the cops on me and get a restraining order and blah blah blah. Just crazy talk. After us spending 10 days together and him admitting to still having feelings for me and what not, after he left me and said he didn't.

So, he immediately starts talking to another girl, probably that night, and it's been 3 weeks now, and he claims that he loves her. Ha. I don't believe it! I honestly don't! We spent 3 1/2 years together, he leaves, comes back for 10 days, and then flips out when I him off and make him jealous and now he claims to love someone else? I'm sorry, but no.

Just 3 months ago, we spent a week in florida and he was going to propose to me, but I told him I wasn't ready, I want to finish school and get a good job and have a nice wedding that I can afford. How can he go from having that strong of feelings to leaving me, coming back, admitting the feelings are still there, now all of a sudden he hates me and claims to love another girl? WTF?

I've been a wreck this 2nd time. He's not the kind of guy to do this! He is so mad at me, says horrible things to me, he doesn't love me anymore, doesn't want anything to do with me, isn't attracted to me anymore, LMAO, Ummm, Just 3 weeks ago he was having sex with me so sorry, I definitely do not believe that one. He's saying ALL the same stuff he said when he originally left, and 3 weeks later he was back, for 10 days.

I don't understand him. This is the longest we have been apart. Going on 8 weeks total. But he came back, and still has feelings for me. His eyes told me everything, plus the way that he held me and touched me. His eyes never lie though. He's never cheated on me in the 3 1/2 years were together. But total, this is the 4th time we've broken up. And every time we break up he goes a little crazy and parties, talks to multiples girls, and finds one to push his emotions onto and then he realizes that she's not me, and comes back by the end of 3 weeks. Just like he sorta did this time.

But I'm sorry, you can't get over someone so quickly. Not when the feelings that you had for them were so deep. He would have done anything for me. Was a wonderful boyfriend when we were together, but I was very moody from my birth control.

I feel like he is running from me, pushing his feelings for me onto this new girl that is giving him lots of attention. I just don't understand where all his anger for me is coming from. He has NO right to be mad at me.

I'm in no way placing the blame onto him, I take my share of the responsibility as well.

I love the guy, and I may be in denial about this being the end, but I don't think it is. I can't make him be with me, I can't make him love me, all I can do is see what happens over the next few weeks. But its killing me.



He is using a "pick up artists" technique called Push, Pull. Its part of "The Mystery Method" created by a group of Pick Up artists who have classes and seminars teaching guys how to get any woman that they want.

Push, Pull, is based on the principle that no one is interested in someone easy to get. The artist makes the woman fight for his attention in subtle ways. Complimenting the woman with a cute insults. "your sexy eyes make up for your ears. Look at that sexy big nose." Showing interest, then when the woman begins to warm up to him, turning away from her forcing her to move inorder to maintain the conversation. Compliment, gain her interest, push her away.

This actually works because the woman begins investing time and energy in the encounter or relationship. Effort breeds emotion in the woman. So he keeps her uncertain and off balance. The woman reals herself in. Reread what you wrote, see the technique the way he used it on you.

The technique broke when you didn't drop by that night. That's why he was surprised when you didn't show up. He pushed you away and he was expecting the chase response from you. Showed interest, pushed you away, then showed interest.

The other man threw him off balance though. He wasn't expecting that. That was a plus in your favor. I'm sorry to say your kind of screwed. The method works just like cult brainwashing. Only you end up brain washing yourself. You have been programmed like a lab animal to have emotional responses every time you see him or smell his scent. Need proof, clear your mind, Get calm, watch your emotions closely and look at his picture. You will see your emotions spike.



Well, here's the latest update. A bunch of new crap. :-(

Danny (my ex) and I had been talking for like the past couple weeks. Pretty much since I gave him my number. I saw him a few times. I told him I wouldn't have sex with him and I asked him to meet me one night if he wanted to. I told him to text me later cuz I had stuff to do. (Chores) and when we met up that night, he asked me what I had to say. I was confused,
then he's like "you said you had stuff you wanted to do" haha, he thought I meant between him and I! Like a serious conversation, and he agreed to meet up with me anyways. Makes no sense...

Then we continue to talk, nothing ever was said about us or a relationship or anything. But, he was the one texting me the majority of the time. The last time I saw him was last saturday. We talked on sunday, and I had to work late monday, but he texted me asking me about a quote that was on my fb. I told it to him and he said thanks pooper and I couldn't talk after that. Well, tuesday I texted him and told him my parents were going out of town on friday, and was wondering if he wanted to come over. He never replied. I STILL haven't heard one word back from him and its now friday!

Its freaking weird!

I did menchion something about the pictures of him and "the girl" on his fb and that's the reason why I had him blocked. Well, sometime he deleted them. I'm not sure if its before or after I told him. It makes no sense to me what-so-ever.

I know, KNOW!!! that he's not the guy that can give me everything that I want out of life. So I have no idea why I still am letting him control my life.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most about Danny, is how he can automatically stop talking to me and not even feel guilty about it. Its seriously like he has no heart. Not at all. He didn't even apologized to me for the way he treated me. And he just expects me to be there when its convenient for him, but push me away when he doesn't want me around.

Why can't I just say NO and actually MEAN it! Lol. Or better yet, not respond at all when he tries talking to me. Seriously, he sucks!

So earlier, I said he hadn't gotten ahold of me since tuesday, well, saturday morning at 3 am he called me. I had told him my parents would be gone and he was supposed to come over friday. So he called. And I was rude as hell and said what the F do you want, and he said you told me to come over and I told him to F off and hung up. Then I went ballistic texting him asking him what the hell he was thinking ignoring me all week and then expecting to still come over. And I told him to tell his new girl hi cuz the only time he stops talking to me is when he finds some new girl to play around with. And I went on and on and then was like goodbye danny. And the only thing he said was "no there's noone else forsure, I just like having sex with you"

So later saturday I wake up and I texted him and was just like come over. This was 10 am and he finally replied at like 1130 or 12 asking how I can go from the stuff I said last night to wanting him to come over today. I don't have a good explaination but I talked to him seriously and told him I just wanted to see him and this and that and it got somewhat serious then he said he didn't want to hurt me anymore. So he wasn't going to come. I was crying, idk why, but I was, and I told him I was lonely and cold and wanted to him come over please. He said ok, ill be there in a little bit and then he said he has no idea why he's coming, but he is. And he did.

So he gets to my house, he's in the door for 2 minutes and he grabs me, kisses me, picks me up and carrier me to my room. He was only here for like an hour, and when he went to leave he said he thinks that itd be best if this was the last time we see eachother. He hugged me like 10 times before he left. Really procrastinating, but when he told me we shouldn't see one another anymore, I started to cry. And he kept saying not to cry, don't cry over him. No more tears for him, that ill be fine and be okay and he's not worth it, that he's nothing. And I still cried and cried and cried of course.

I was not happy, I told him I was very frustrated. And then he said that he is probably moving to florida. Wow. So I cried some more. Its not for sure but he is really considering it. He said there is nothing here for him, he's bored and needs a change.

So eventually he left. And I texted him again and asked what was so wrong between him and I that makes him not want a relationship with me. He won't answer that question. And I asked him if there was any type of a future with me in it, he said no.

I don't understand him! He said he still has feelings but I need to understand that he doesn't want a relationship with me. Its difficult for me to understand that when he has trouble going a week without talking to me. Maybe not really trouble, but he has talked to me a lot.

I'm really not happy right now. I hate, HATE that he has this effect over me. I thought I was getting over him, but apparently not considering I've been crying and upset since noon! Boo.

If he doesn't want a life with me, why the hell can't he just stay gone! He's bringing up all these emotions and feelings I didn't want to feel again. And its not fair. Its not fair that he can have sex with me and not feel anything, when it screws with my mind.

Oh yeah, and when he was hugging me, he told me that I should go to Corey and he'll make everything better for me. WHY does he have to say something like that while he's holding me in his arms!?!

And, he was wearing the promise ring that I got him. (On his right hand)

And last saturday he wanted to meet me somewhere to get some food. And then we ended up not going out to eat, but we did see eachother later that night... He drove to my house and I walked down my driveway again.

And, I haven't heard from him yet. Its been 5 days...



.............your that stupid?

Did you even read my post?

Did you even think about it?

Never mind.

Just do him. As hard as you can. Be his toy and smile.

He completes you.

he is happiness.

Next time you post, don't lie about your age.

An adult wouldn't be so stupid.



Okay so..that 6000 word essay you just wrote about this boyfriend and your on and off again relationship really doesnt help your situation, whether you like it or not you are making a discrase of yourself. You are just letting him break you. It is no ones fault but your own. You actually ADMIT you let him control your life..yet you do nothing about it? very grown-up of you.



I think we've all been through relationships similar to this at one stage or another, hopefully you'll learn from this one and never let it happen again :) I recommend you read the book 'it's called a breakup because it's broken'.. is the best book for these situations!



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