seriously depressed and need help
5 Replies
shauna

I'm just over 18 weeks pregnant and am suffering serious depression. My marriage is on the verge of falling apart (which is really just me not coping) and I am contemplating suicide on a regular basis. The only thing that is stopping me is the baby. I can't find anyone to talk to because I am either told I am a wonderful person and have no reason to be depressed or its just being pregnant and I'll get over it. My husband has no idea whats going on and can't understand. I have a highly stressful work situation and with all the extra emotional problems I am feeling I just don't know what to do. I really don't know how to cope and am very desperate for some help.

 

rikithemonk

What is the reason why you are contemplating suicide?

 

shauna

I am in a highly stressful work situation and get treated badly, its stressful emotionally and physically, i am sick all the time, i very rarely feel happy, i get severe hip and back pain and still have to work because i can't afford to just quit my job. I am having family problems and can't just tell them where to stick it. i can't find much possitive things in my life and as i am extremely emotional due to being pregnant it makes it harder for me to cope and makes suicide look like a fantastic option then there will be no more pain no more sickness no more being treated like scum everyday i have to work no more worries. I know this is the wrong way to be thinking but I can't control it. I also have to keep in a minimal risk category to birth at the closest hospital or i'll have to travel an hour minimum to get to another. the only good things in my life are my husband and having a baby but i feel like i'm destroying our marriage becouse i can't cope and am not a very good person to live with and don't think i'll be a very good mum so really don't want to have a baby and destroy its life

 

purplepoppy

Shauna, you would be receiving antenatal care at 18weeks right? All you need to do is tell your antenatal carer how you are feeling and they will arrange counselling for you. If you tell them the depth of your feelings it will be instant help. Depression during pregnancy is very common and some there can be lots of contributing factors. Make the call don't continue to feel that way if you don't have too! All the best.

 

rikithemonk

Sounds like your pulled way too thin. You need to step back and erect some barriers. Pull out of the family problems. Don't tell them to stick it, just remove yourself.

The work situation will have to wait until your better, but as soon as you can, start looking for a new job. They are still out there, and your next employer may be an angel. Just keep quiet until after you get an offer.

Men are vastly different from women. Your husbands issue is simple. He sees a problem, he has to fix it. Its an insane compulsion with us. We must fix problems. Trouble is that he cant identify exactly what the problem is and doesn't know what he can do to fix it. This is like being stuck in a room with a huge crooked picture, and not being allowed to straighten it. Give him a job to do. I suggest giving him the task of keeping the family issue away from you and helping you to find wanted adds for the new job. With something to do, he will get better.

Listen Shauna, A baby is a full time job in itself, If you don't start creating a buffer zone between these people you will seriously loose your mind. The earlier that you do this the better it will be when the baby actually arrives. You have one responsibility, and that's to yourself. Give yourself a peaceful place where you can unwind because when the baby comes, you will be stressed out by the chaotic routine of the all night feedings and the constant diaper changes. You don't need foolish people bothering you about meaningless problems on top of it all.

Oh, and back your man. He will probably have to put his foot down at some point. Don't undermine him. Let him do his job keeping you out of the nonsense. Families forgive (eventually). If they get mad, don't worry about it. Give the newborn 6 months of peace, then when you've regained your balance, go back and patch things up. So let your man do his thing.

Chris

 

shauna

thanks for your help guys and thank you so much chris for showing me a mans point of view. its been really helpful and you wouldn't believe the difference it has made. you are a life saver :-) i don't know how to thank you enough

 

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