Dealing With The End Of Your Relationship
Once you've made the difficult decision that it's time to end your relationship, you're faced with the fact that you have no idea how to go about the unpleasant deed. So, you do the normal human thing and procrastinate, but truth be told, the situation is becoming more and more unbearable. You want to end things, but don't even know where to start. It's only natural you turned to Google and found us here at Epigee. Not to worry, help is here with pointers for every step of the way.
First things first, arrange to meet in a private place where you feel free to speak of intimate details and where no one will disturb the two of you. When you make the date for this meeting, don't mention that you're planning to discuss anything of importance, but a few hours before the meeting, you may want to give the other person a bit of a heads-up. You can state that you have something important to discuss that affects the two of you, but don't give out any further information.
Before you have the big discussion, consider that you may be feeling the need for supportive company when the deed is done. Ask a friend or a relative to be on call. This can be essential if the relationship was lengthy.
In the time leading up to the conversation, think about how your partner might react and try to think of an appropriate response for each scenario. It's also a good idea to set a specific time limit for the talk if you think your partner may try to prolong the conversation.
Realize that your partner may react with strong emotions. It's important that you are ready to sit with your partner and listen to his distress for as long as it takes. Be determined that you will not quarrel during this discussion. Take your time with each response and really think through what you will say.
You might like to begin the conversation by stating that your partner must have suspected that this might be a serious discussion. Ask your partner how he feels at this moment. Listen to his answer and acknowledge his feelings. Talk about your role in the relationship.
Now the moment is here. Be kind, be brief, but tell your partner why you are ending the relationship. Don't go into a lot of explanation. Keep it simple and honest, but gentle.
Next, you give your partner a chance to express his feelings. You can expect hurt, anger, and shock. You may want to reiterate your reasons for splitting up, but don't expand too much. Stay calm and acknowledge your partner's feelings throughout the conversation. Don't allow yourself to become engaged in an argument. Don't allow yourself to be persuaded that things can change if you keep trying. Stick to your guns and be polite and warm, but determined.
You can expect that your partner may react in an irrational manner. There may be nothing you can do to make him feel better. At a certain point, prolonging the discussion is useless and you may have to state that you must leave now.
It isn't rational to imagine that a relationship can be ended without a certain amount of hurt feelings. But handled with sensitivity, breaking up a relationship that is no longer working is the right thing to do. Every ending leads to new beginnings and that applies to the both of you.